Friday, March 30, 2012

BETTER THAN HUNTING

It's Friday Fictioneer Day. As always, the photo prompt is provided by http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com Here's my story (and it's 124 words--not 100 this time!)



Discouraged, Ray climbed down his deer stand. He heard shots all morning but hadn’t seen a deer. He stretched his aching back. Ray was in no mood to be chided about his first-hunt-gone-bad.

Twigs snapped as he walked through the woods. He caught his jeans on a barbed wire fence when a flash of rust and aqua caught his eye. It couldn’t be. His breath quickened as he walked toward the truck.

There in all its glory stood Ol’ Bess. The door creaked open. Ray ran his hand over the cracked upholstery and could almost smell her scent. He sat on the dusty seat and wiped cobwebs away. Ray felt Cindy’s soft arms around him. Now, Ray had a story to tell his buddies.

32 comments:

  1. Loved your story, Beth. I've always said that a guy's car is his first real love--we women would catch their attention quicker if we were dressed out in chrome and leather. :-) Great story.
    You know where to find me: wwwvlgregory-circa1800.vpweb.com/blog.html

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  2. Guys do love their trucks! Thanks for stopping by. I pictured Ray remembering his make-out sessions with Cindy in that old truck but was already over the 100-word limit to get that more fully across.

    Thanks! I'll check out yours soon.

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  3. Great job, Beth. He didn't get his deer, but in a way I suppose he did! Reminds me of that commercial where they say, "You never forget your first love, and his was a Suburu!"

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    1. Ha! That was a good commercial. Thanks, Shirley. Loved yours.

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  4. Everything's better with a story to tell. Great tale, Beth. I enjoyed it. :)

    Here's mine:
    http://siobhanmuir.blogspot.com/2012/03/his-old-chevy-100words-for.html

    Siobhan

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    1. Thank you, Siobhan/Meg. I'm a hopeless romantic. Heading over to yours.

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  5. Ah yes, a flashback. I remember my first vehicle, a 1954 Chevy with a huge backseat, perfect for taking my girl to the drive-in movie.

    Great story, Beth. Hope you get a chance to visit mine.

    http://russellgayer.blogspot.com/

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    1. Yes, that flashback made Ray forget about all about his deer hunting discontent.

      We all enjoyed the drive-in (or not!) in those big back seats. Ha!

      Thanks for stopping by, Russell. Loved yours, as always, and commented.

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  6. Great story : )
    I've never had that kind of attachment to a car, but I did recently uncover an old story some friends and I wrote in high school. Gave me the same flashback feeling your story did. Thanks for sharing!

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    1. I was very attached to my '68 Camaro. Wish I still had it. Thanks for commenting! And, great, about finding your hs story.

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    1. Thank you for commenting, Toni Sue!

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  8. I enjoyed your story. :-)
    Here is the link to mine:
    http://366degree.wordpress.com/2012/03/30/forget-him-not/
    Cheers!

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    1. Thank you, Irene. I enjoyed yours, too, eventhough it was sad.

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  9. Ghost story? I thought at first Ol' Bess was a mythological lost truck... Then see a remembrance... in rereading the title, I found he got something better than a deer... memory of a past dear. Nice...

    http://tedstrutz.com/2012/03/30/flash-fridayfictioneers-lost-opportunity/

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  10. Yes, you've got it. He is remembering his sweet dear in lieu of getting an actual deer!

    I'll head over to yours now. Thank you.

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  11. Hi Beth: Love it. I sensed his delight when he saw Ol' Bess and the sweet memories of a long ago love. Didn't even notice the over-run on words. Here's mine:
    www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks, Lora. It was subliminal. I'll head over to yours in a minute. Was at that Expo all day yesterday (setting up Friday night) so I'm sorely behind.

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  12. I liked the playful reference to having a story to tell, the way guys do whenever they go hunting or fishing. And this was one with a difference. Loved it - a nice haunting take on the prompt.

    http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/03/30/i-met-this-guy-friday-fictioneers-30-march-2012/

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    1. Isn't that the truth?! Guys love to tell each other stories. Glad you liked it, Sandra. Thank you. I'll head over to yours. I think I read it but am not sure since I spent the weekend either at a book signing expo or setting up for one. My brain and body are mush.

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  13. I liked this a lot. Your evocation of the moment was deep; even without you saying it, I could smell the inside of the truck and dredge up from my own memory, with him, the smell of the girl. Very, very good.

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    1. That means a lot, Carlos! Thank you. I really appreciate your thoughtful comments. I'll try to find the link to yours.

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  14. Yea that would be much better than hunting. Liked your story.

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  15. Forgot to add my link:
    http://gardenbyjan.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you, Jan. I saw yours on Madison's site. Do you have another one? I'll head over there when I catch up.

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  16. Dear Beth,

    Nice story. Is he going to tell them about running across his old truck or about Cindy's delights? I hope it's the truck. Anything else would be telling.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    http://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/2012/03/30/pure-coincidence/

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    1. Aloha, Doug!

      He is definitely going to tell them about the truck! His heart quickened when he saw Ol' Bess, plus the other guys will be much more interested in the truck than the girl. lol.

      Thanks for commenting. BTW, I have left comments on many of your stories over the weeks, and they rarely, if ever, show up. Blogger and Wordpress do not play well together. They might be in your spam folder. I'll try again, though.

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  17. Kiss n tell, really better than hunting...i enjoyed this piece greatly.

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    1. I agree. Ray was much happier with his dear (and forgot all about the deer).

      Thanks for stopping by, See.Williams. I'll try and track down your link.

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  18. That was a very interesting story, Beth :) Is the girl a ghost or the truck herself?

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  19. Loved it!
    Very interesting because like Madison wondered, is the girl a former lover of Ray's or the ghost of the truck itself?

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  20. Good question, ladies. Originally, she was the memory of a former lover--separate from the truck. But upon reflection, I wish I had just left his excitement for the truck itself and only that.

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