The hard bench must have made a permanent indentation by now. I glanced at the tunnel that seemingly led to nowhere—or anywhere. I wanted to walk inside and escape.
I replayed our conversation. At the guardrail, Jonathan had slowed to a crawl. “We need to talk.”
Four words no one wants to hear.
“It’s over. We’re over.”
I stiffened, staring at my emerald-cut diamond. Tears stung my eyes. I couldn’t speak.
“I’ve met someone else.”
My heart plunged. Anger surged. I grabbed the handle. “Stop the car.” I flung the door open and glared at my fiancé. “What's her name?
Jonathan stared ahead. “Mark.”
Quite a twist to a lover's quarrel. Nicely done as always. I do love these 100-word stories--to read and to srite.
ReplyDeleteMine: www.vlgregory-circa1800.vpweb.com/blog.html
Whoops! Write, not srite. :-)
ReplyDeleteOh, wow, and oh, ow! Wonderful story, with an unexpected but excellent ending. I was so drawn in, feeling her hurt and anger, then bam! What a surprise, but it worked so well.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jan. I used to date someone and always suspected he was gay but he wouldn't come clean. I told him I'd still be his friend. He's married to a woman now but once told me I was "very perceptive." I've always thought that was my answer. Guess my story stems from that relationship.
DeleteThat was really well done. It made me wonder whether being thrown over for Mark would be any less painful than being thrown over for Martha... Thanks for making me think. Nice one.
ReplyDeletehttp://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/a-place-to-die-for-friday-fictioneers-13-april-2012/
Thank you, Sandra. Yours was great, too. Loved your humor during the dark situation.
DeleteI think it would confusing and sad to be left for a Mark and I would probably blame myself for not guessing or picking up on the subtleties. Whereas, I'd just be angry and sad if left for a Martha.
I feel for her. That would be like swallowing a bitter pill and chasing it with a shot of cod liver oil. Talk about leaving a terrible taste in your mouth.
ReplyDeleteExcellent job, Beth and a great use of the prompt.
http://russellgayer.blogspot.com/
Bitter, indeed. Thanks for stopping by. Loved your humorous take, Russell, as always.
ReplyDeleteWow! Perfect setup and spike. Great emotion, fantastic twist. I loved it. Great 100 words
ReplyDeletehttp://bit.ly/HCPVlA
Thank you, Rowanwolf. Love your " setup and spike" description. I love surprise endings--both to read and write. I'll check yours now.
DeleteVery nice! I can see her sitting on that bench... lost.
ReplyDeleteYes, she sat there a very long time--shell shocked. Thanks for stopping by.
DeleteGreat story. I just wasn't clear on the first sentence. Was she sitting there so long it left indentations on her backside?
ReplyDeleteHere's mine: http://postcardfiction.com/2012/04/13/the-incident/
Yes, I attempted to illustrate that she had been on that bench a very long time after hearing the shocking news. Thanks and I'll hop over to yours soon.
DeleteJanet, I left a comment on your blog. It didn't "take." Great job. Scary and left us wanting and wondering...
DeleteA wonderful take on 'the other woman'.
ReplyDeleteHere's mine:http://teschoenborn.com/2012/04/13/friday-fictioneers-3/
Thank you! I'll read yours just as soon as I make more coffee. Love Fridays!
DeleteDidn't expect MARK!! Well done!!
ReplyDeletehttp://swthink.blogspot.com/2012/04/michael.html
Ha! Got you! I thought that would make a nice twist. Thanks, Brooke. I'll read yours soon.
DeleteOuch! Can't compete with that! Nicely done with the twist at the end, Beth. I can feel the frustration building up with each new sentence. :)
ReplyDeleteHere's mine:
http://scottcheck.blogspot.com/2012/04/sitting-in-sun-this-weeks-photo-prompt.html
Siobhan
Nope. Wouldn't know where to begin in that situation. Thanks for commenting. I'll hop over to yours.
DeleteGood use of the tunnel as metaphor. Liked the dialogue, its spare but really delineates the two characters. Here's mine: http://furiousfictions.com.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Joseph. That tunnel got to all of us. I appreciate your comments and will read yours soon.
DeleteGreat ending. What an unforeseen twist.
ReplyDeleteMine story is at http://wp.me/p1WuR1-Sn
Thank you! I'll read yours after running some errands (taxes)!
DeleteBetter now than after the marriage. I think she might be less upset than if it were another woman - he's at least being honest with himself. Well played!
ReplyDelete~Susan (http://www.susanwenzel.com/)
Thanks, Susan. Yes, honesty counts for something at least, even though it may be painful to hear.
DeleteYours was excellent. Scary good!
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it!
DeleteI thought this was very well written, Beth. The careful description of the scene with the car slowing down, looking at the diamond, all this made it intense and penetrating. Very good.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, Carlos! That means a lot. I've had problems leaving comments on some of the Wordpress sites, so if you don't receive a comment, that's why.
Deletenice surprise
ReplyDeleteThanks, Rich.
DeleteHi Beth...Nice twist. Unfortunately, this seems to be occurring more often these days. At least, he came forward with the truth before the wedding and not after. Hope she kept the emerald-cut diamond. Thanks for your lovely comments to mine.
ReplyDeleteHi Lora. Thank you. Yes, it does and has happened to several women in the media lately ( and likely others we don't know about). Really enjoyed yours.
DeleteWhat's gut-wrenching here is not one but two layers of deception, and the pacing -- the terse lines of dialogue and implied silence between -- supports it. Just waiting for the shoe to drop, from midpoint onward.
ReplyDeleteAnd what is it that people like this insist in wrapping their bombshells in layers of cliche?
Great observations, E.P. Thanks for being so observant! I'm glad you picked up on the pacing, blunt dialogue and silence. And, yes, it often ends with a cliche, sadly.
DeleteThat jerk! Why can't they get it right before ruining someone else's life
ReplyDeleteAck my link! http://createrealitylivelife.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/something-watches/
DeleteI love an ending that hits me in the face. This one certainly did!
ReplyDeleteBummer! That must have been a shock! Great story!
ReplyDeletehttp://susielindau.com/2012/04/13/high-hopes-150-word-flash-fiction/
I loved the ending. here is my story http://vadamwolter.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteThanks, Amanda, Rochelle, Susie and Vada.I'll head over to yours soon. A lot to read! Some really good ones. Isn't this fun?!!!
ReplyDeletesay WHAT! Did not expect that. Well done!
ReplyDeleteI did not see what coming at all. Great job as always.
ReplyDeleteSad for both characters. Must be hard to live a lie.
http://shirleymccann.blogspot.com/2012/04/nightmare.html
Great wrap-up to 100 words of tension!
ReplyDeleteYea! I love surprising people with plot twists. Thanks for commenting, littlewonder2, Shirley, and Madison.
ReplyDelete